Things have been getting along quite well, love those pillow talks on the 2 nights, and I can feel that she is improving and showing .. The only time we really feel no borders around us ... being more understanding and able to communicate.
I do love her honestly from my heart, and being very understanding, hoping to prove my worth and melt her one day.
Seeing her so tired and well not getting enough rest tend to tear my heart, wana her to have more rest but well knowing her pattern too well, I guess I choose to keep quiet at times.
She was preparing for her race queen contest, and was glad able to do my part as a bf for her, and of coz supporting her.
And well today, Sunday (20/05/07), her day for the contest and presentation, and well me also make my way down just for her, partially also to talk business.
BUt then it reminds me of something of what she told me .. Not to disclose her as attach, me as her bf, at first, I don't really tend to link up with this or well never even think of it, to me work is work .. But then she mentions it, make me well kind of wander around my thoughts .. Even though I do understand why but the thing is .. she mention it and make it too particular about it, making me feel kind of demoralize ... maybe again if she put it in a nicer manner, I guess it be better, but well I told myself not to think about it and of course to stay by her and hopefully one day she understand my intention.
Then well after finish talking business, I was walking around the area, hopping to find more other sources in term of work, but then well it get boring but well happy to see her around when she is on stage, feeling proud for her and when the ans is being ask, its like well I do know what she gona say, make it a very sweet feeling.
After that I really do get bored, feeling neglected but well try to be understanding but the worst part is I feel I don't really feel comfortable or feel my existent there is needed, and so I choose to leave, as not to pressure her ba .. but how I wish and hope she will say something nice to me, and I will feel more comfortable, well the point is how busy can someone be, its about the thoughts and etc ... I dun feel the need in her.
So I reach office and was emo for like a few hours, listening to sad song, really feeling damm demoralize and stress and very very the mentality tired, listening to my profile song bring out a certain sadness, feeling the loneliness and etc .. But then again I told myself I have to be positive and that’s me, I should not let little things to pull me down.
Hopping she do call or sms, but the sms well was kind of bad from her, saying I m not understanding and I guess I do it the wrong way again, again all about the heart and etc.
And since the sms, really make me emo all way long, taking a walk by myself around orchard while they r doing the ticketing, no mood to talk to anyone, mind just all about her, hoping to coax her.
I was hoping she replies my sms and hoping will meet her later, worry she is hungry, wondering what she is doing.
At the end of the day, well having some talk with my friend they all, make me abit better but still feeling bad deep down, putting down my phone like 3 times and well I guess I really need to try a little harder to show my heart to her .. Well last but not least, for her I be patient I know deep down inside her, in a way she is rejecting me but she do have her nice side to me too :)
I love u my dear ...
Well alot things wana update for the past few week, well i will update soon :)
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