Weekend Over - So warm and beautiful...love is in the air!

Well back to work after a lovely weekend.
Tired but well feeling bliss.

Met her when she is back from Msia on SUnday, took a short nap over at her place then well off to my place.

Before to My place, we went to NTUC to get some dinner stuff.

A lovely evening having her around, the feeling about being in love is really so great.
Slacking at home, just the 2 of us, cooking up some light dinner, packing up her stuff and etc.
Watching TV together, having pillow talks, looking to her eye, so gently, feeling so warm, so peaceful, so blissful. I always remember our conversations, makes me smile.

So I've been really happy lately. I feel so fortunate and lucky. I can't complain!

Every each hectic work week, always looking forward for a nice weekend.

It's odd.. the feeling I get when she talks to me, about me, or even looks at me; I smile. If not outside, inside. Just knowing for a moment, I was on her mind.

I love her.

That's really the only explaination.

She's look happy. I guess i will not be the only one who sees it. I see a glow in her eyes, a smile on her face.. so truthful and it melts me. She's deserved this happiness for a long time. This love. And I hope with all of my heart it lasts.

Seeing her happy makes me feel .. lighter.

23/06/07 - A date I remember

Hmm i have a nice friday and sat so far .. sO notty keke ...
Seeing her straight aFter work, then went to town for coffee .. nice moment ..then company her to VD for awhile then gO home to TMM keke.

There are no words to express the happiness i feel when having you by my side, in my hug.
I feel in my heart that our hearts have come to dwell together, as one.

Love you more today than I did yesterday, and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today.I am forever yours as long as time allow ...

Cya ltr ..

Out of tHe BluE ...

Hmm well been talking so much about her, I guess maybe I should blog something out of the blue about my surrounding life and etc. But still wana tell her I miss her.

Well thinking about my surrounding, blessed to have her, and bliss to have some nice friends around, of course not to forget my those beloved sister (Hmm I have 5 sister now keke).

Friends really allot, but really trueful one really very few, but I am happy to have those few.
The life I want is really simple, having someone that I love, a few close nice friend, stable job for now .. As the time goes along, I guess the plan will change.

I guess I never did mention about my family before, because I always think and thought I don't have it, that’s' why I devoted so much in a relationship and treasure those who really care about me and I really feel it in my heart.

But I do know something, my dad do really does allot of things for me and along the years he is changing, becoming more understanding and adaptable.
My 2 real sister, well sad to say I seldom communicate with them but in my heart I do care for them allot, I think I concern for my those god sister more then them in a way.
At times really a failure, and really feeling bad for not able to guide my youngest sister well that cause her to be in this state now, I guess I do need to play a role in it.
Well will not be seeing her for sometime, and seeing my dad dropping tears over her, seeing the those white hair on him, really making me feel so sad, really sad ... asking myself what have I been doing, being a son, being a brother, I guess I did nothing for them.
This entire lesson for the past years, really drain me allot. In a way, make me more sensible, to understand allot of things.

Things I went thru make me to realize allot of things, to treasure and cherish what we have.
Always be trueful, no matter how bad things is, all I know I wana be happy.
The person I really miss most I guess will be my Mum, 14 years just pass like that, and this 14 years what have I been doing. From a young gangster, arrogant and well being native I should say, being hot temper, then reach another stage, the money temptation. Used to own a car to now not to even mention license also gone, and from 8 credit cards to well now bankruptcy.
Well one thing still around, my flat .. lol
But well at least I guess in my whole life, I did learn something out of something everytime to make me for what I am today.
Seeing all type of people from different phrases and stages.
Admitting to one mistake is easy but to understand the mistake and make changes is the way we should do.

In life, never be too arrogant, be humble, and learn to listen. Respect is to be earn and not give. Action always talks louder. Most important be truthful - There is within each of a desire to be right, think right, and act right. When we go against that desire we put a cancer in our conscience. The cancer grows and grows by eating away at our confidence. Avoid doing anything that will cause you to ask yourself, “Will I get caught? Will they find out? Will I get away with it?”
A person is a product of his own thoughts. Believe Big and grow big. And we will grow big.
Where success is concerned, people are not measured in inches, or pounds, or college degrees, or family background; they are measured by the size of their thinking. How big do we think determines the size of our accomplishments.
Success doesn’t mean you own this own that, have car ya ..

Seriously I am not as strong as what people see me, I guess I just know how to hold myself well and present myself well at times.
I just know no matter what I went though last time till now, every time I get better in doing something, coz I guess I do not wana be defeated.
Example relationship, I always knew how to make things better, and becoming more positive as the times goes along, but well I need support too.
Make a supreme effort to put only positive thoughts in your memory bank. Don’t let negative, self-deprecatory thoughts grow into mental monsters. Simply refuse to recall unpleasant events or situations - well easy say then done I guess but at least that’s' what we told ourselves.
Support will be a greater source coming from loves one, friends and etc.

Be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with you and letting go certain issues and burden, be trueful and we be more happier.

My life from last till now is not easy, but I always believe I am not the worst, it’s just how we deal with it and to move out of this misery.

And hopefully I am doing the right way now, well love is always my biggest weakness, and I hope it don't fail me.

Still my motto, striving a balance in everything...

Last but not least - Hmm if u r reading this, well dated today 23/06/07 (May many more months to come along, loving u and doting u wholeheartedly.)

!0 days ltr ...

Sigh lots of thing happen in 10 days, being happy and being sad too .. Always told myself to stay positive .. And work hard .. but somehow or rather I already have the ans of what I m looking for.

Things happen so fast without any reason or being reasonable or well being logical too. At times I keep asking, is it being stupid to fall in love, to care and to concern for the one we love, and the ans I get, well coz I love her, I will do my part as a bf to be.

On one day, all the sudden, she just avoid again and well wana break up.
It really breaks my heart again ...

I would have never imagined I’d feel so much!I miss her and I cannot tell her nor for her just to have a talk with me.Worst of all I cannot tell myself to face it.

And whenever other feelings arise, like range, I cannot find peace and I ask myself why us, WHY THIS WAY, WHY NEVER again.
" You made that choice alone! Nobody asked me anything."

You told me before that with tears on my eyes. Now, if only I could convince my self that I was reasonable. If only I could silence the doubts that crowd my mind. If only, for one more time, I m not able to think.

I was waiting for her under her block for like 6 hours, Cold. so cold. my body and my heart shiver from the cold... wild thoughts running across my mind here and there during that day, really have the thought to end it somehow, ye stupid indeed but I’m really mentality tired somehow and after a long wait what I saw is a guy friend send her back, watching her from afar, sawing her reach her door step, switch on the light, on her com and hoping she will call but well it didn't happen.

After a few smoke, I went off home, somehow knowing she is home I m glad to see that in a way, and well tolding myself loving her can be in another method, even for me to cry alone, wishing for the best.

The next day all I knew, I m like a walking zombie, and well just wana get drunk and not think about it.
Somehow I knew that she is nearby me, and she sms me, giving me a hope of light, and she came over to find me, happy to see her and again hopping for the best.
Things end up pretty well after that, at times I just wish things to be more simple, be more truthful to ourselves and I guess by letting go certain burden and worries, it make us a more happy person. What can be more happy by having someone to love, someone by our side, a stable job coming by, working hard for the future, having nice friends around.

At times I really pei fu myself for being so optimistic at times and so positive and bearable towards her, I guess it take allot of effort and love to be to stand being criticized or scolded at a lot.

"It is very sad that it is so hard to connect with another being in a healthy, Loving way. It is very sad that so many of us have had to shut down our hearts and lock the romantic part of us away in a deep dark place within us."

Well I learn to ignore certain things but somehow I do not feel being recognizes as her bf in the public as this is how I feel. Simple little action, being loving and having fun, knowing to balance and handle things in a better manner seems to be so hard. Little action without being considerate about how I feel, online status being single and well I ask myself, why and what is the purpose of all this.

Friends get a better treatment, more benefit to gain ? Making use of others to gain something ?

Lots of question but in the end my love for her weight off everything, telling myself again time will show and action will prove myself to her one day.
I do know allot of things but choose to keep quiet, praying for her at one side, hopping the best for her and everything goes well for her, watching over her, taking care of her, making sure no one is bullying her and I guess that’s the role I can play my part for her for now .. even to stand aside and wishing the best for myself too.

The mood of me in a relationship is not how I feel about the relationship, but the unique combination of both people's feelings, reactions, beliefs, perceptions, thoughts about themselves, each other, and the circumstances coming together to form a mood.

Personally I think that honesty is always best, and I have been very honest to her. And MOST IMPORTANT IS COMMUNICATION BETWEEN 2 PERSONS.....

The purpose of a relationship is to support each other, through times of ups and downs … so in a way, I try my best to inspire myself, so that I can be a pillar to my dear love one … an inspiring passage …

This few days I have so many ideas in my mind, planning what to do for her, I wan her to be truely happy from her heart, and that’s my way of loving her using time and action to show and prove. Its not about how much I love her but how much love I put into action in loving her.

TODAY IS A GIFT

THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT PRESENT

TIME WAIT FOR NO ONE

I cherish for who she is and treasure every moment with her.
Just came back from her place, having dinner at her place, watching her doze off on my lap is the nicest thing to see her being so peaceful, having a good rest.

I wana say I m missing her now and well although just now I do hope she say something nice before I went off but well she is tired .. cumo James, keke.

Love her .. Always having her in my heart every single moment...

ps - Well not to 4get to those who stand by me .. just wana say thks, i do know everything from A to Z but well I m in love with her.

Clueless ....

Well mood kind of lousy now, maybe i m tired i guess and pinning for someone ..

Feeling clueless .. wondering .. life just isn't always a fairy tale ..

You want to know what happiness is? It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, if not when she is lying peacefully beside you, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and involuntarily a grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn't get any better than this.

ps - If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would use my last breath to say, 'I love you

When you're not here something's missing; my smile .. Just always remember that even when we are apart I will be missing you .. like now lol ..

Sat Night ...

I guess our character is defined by what we do, not what we say or believe.
Every choice we make helps define the kind of person we are choosing to be.
Recently i do alot of thinking again .. i guess i m really too free to be.

Right now, well slacking at home, wondering about upcoming monday job and wondering what is she doing now ... guess she is tired and so i think not gona disturd her, even though wish to hear from her.

Sense of security, i came across this acticle saying while surfing -
All animals owe their survival to the instinctual drives to flee, fight, feed, and reproduce (sometimes called the "Four F’s"). These primal drives have great impact on our lives. Humanity’s instinct to flee from danger has become today a search for security. We have a desire to feel safe at home, in the workplace, and in society. We want to know we are secure now and will continue to be in the future. Yet, such a search is an impossible dream. After all, the nature of life is change and uncertainty. So, those seeking stability are doomed to be frustrated. An awareness of the uncertainty of life leads to immobilization. We grow immobilized by fear. We become more frightened to live than to die. The American Psychiatrist Thomas Szasz describes the feelings many of us experience: "Men are afraid to rock the boat in which they hope to drift safely through life's currents, when, actually, the boat is stuck on a sandbar. They would be better off to rock the boat and try to shake it loose, or, better still, jump in the water and swim for the shore."

Not knowing how to cope with this misguided quest for security leads to a dull pervasive pain. It robs us of happiness. Sometimes we seek to numb the pain with addictions such as drinking, overeating, gambling, casual sex, taking drugs, or spending endless hours before the TV. Though these addictions offer temporary relief from the gnawing pain of uncertainty, they cause more chaos, more pain, and less happiness in our lives. Because of this, it is important to understand the true nature of security.

What is true security? It is not piles of money or guaranteed employment, but the inner strength to face, cope with, and adapt to any challenge that arises. True security is the understanding that life is insecure and the willingness to deal with whatever happens. Security depends less on how much we have and more on how much we can do without. Anthony Robbins describes it this way, "Most people never feel secure because they are always worried that they will lose their job, lose the money they already have, lose their spouse, lose their health, and so on. The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and towards your love one."

How do we develop a sense of security? Begin by accepting the nature of life, which is constant change and uncertainty. Next, don’t take shelter, but rejoice in the bombardment of chaos. Life is like white water rafting, chaotic, but exhilarating! It is exactly as Winston Churchill said: "Without a measureless and perpetual uncertainty, the drama of human life would be destroyed." The secret, then, is not to seek security, but to seek growth, adventure, and joy. We need insecurity to spur us on to bigger and better things. And we have no reason to complain, for as Helen Keller said, "God himself is not secure, having given man dominion over his work."

Since we cannot stabilize the world, it is necessary to stabilize ourselves. That’s the only way to achieve security. We do this by developing the right habits.

As security is equated with adaptability to change, it makes much sense to constantly stretch ourselves. We need to step out of our comfort zone and start doing all of those things we would like to do, but don’t because they make us uncomfortable. We need to stand up, face our fears, and laugh at them. Ha! Ha! Ha! Fear and security are incompatible, and the time to cultivate courage is now, before we need it.

When we stop viewing uncertainty as a threat and start recognizing it for the opportunity it is, everything changes. For as Brian Tracy wrote, "The more you seek security, the less of it you have. But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that you will achieve the security that you desire." That is the paradox to remember and apply to our lives.

The followers of the ancient Tao Te Ching understand the nature of the world. By bending like the reed in the weed, they adapt to its changes, experiencing true security and serenity. They heed the words of Lao Tzu:

"Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
That is the only path to serenity."
True security is based on the ability to cope with turmoil. But how do we gain that ability? By looking within. We can rely on our own inner strength. Within us dwells a Divine Spark. We can turn to It for comfort and share in Its Wisdom and Power. Although It cannot eliminate the uncertainty of life, It can bestow on us the confidence and faith to carry on.

I like the above saying .. interesting ..

Let’s not forget about the insecurities of others. For example, Princess of Wales Diana said, "I don't want expensive gifts; I don't want to be bought. I have everything I want. I just want someone to be there for me, to make me feel safe and secure." There are many people in your life that want to feel safe and secure, too. Your spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and strangers you meet on the street. Remember, no one you meet has a sense of security so strong that it cannot be improved by a few words from you. Be encouraging, accepting, understanding, and compassionate. Be a source of strength for others. Doesn’t the world grow more secure as we make others feel more so?

Let’s also use the winds of change that swirl around us as reminders to savor the present moment. For how do we know if we’ll be alive tomorrow? Because life is uncertain, the time to enjoy it, and the time to help others feel secure is NOW.

Hmm isn't the above saying make life sound more meaningful and well to handle things in a correct approach and manner.

For Her -
Well thankful for every little thing she does for me, like her strengths as well as her weaknesses, share her hopes and wish for the best for her, never intend to hurt her, be a shoulder to lean for her and cry on.
Hold her hand when things get rough, help her achieve and accomplish all her dreams, open up my heart to her, to experience new beginnings... <3

Juz Feel Like Writing ..

Came across something call what Blingee.com, well something that make your picture more interesting .. since i m free well juz do something out of my dear picture.







Nowaday things really getting more interesting, era changing.
Even people do change along with the enviroment too.

Right now feeling kind of patheic coz well i m broke dupz .. hate this feeling.
Wondering about my next job and wondering about the future.
Thinking about life and her .. don't know why i am always a thinker .. lol

Success is all about growing oneself, learning thru experince and strive for it.
USING EVERY ENCOUNTER AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO EVALUATE, COACH AND BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE..True ? Quite true i guess ..

To me love is always number one in my heart, don't know why .. actually i am not really as strong as i seems to be. Very emotion too... always find myself as a leader .. do know where my direction is but somehow lacking of something...
THinking back about my life for the past 10 years, what have i gain .. experince is the most previous i guess. And whawt have i lost, well alot ... status, youth, car, money and etc .. lol.

Well guess what i am reading, hmm i m reading How To Be a Good BF, keke ..
Do encounter some interesting point lol.
But well if were to ask me what it takes to be one, i guess i score 80 out of 100 already lol, most of the point i do understand.
All it takes is a little bit of practice and determination to do it. Willingness is the key for any man to learn how to be a good boyfriend ya.

Being true to oneself is an important part of the learning process in any aspect of life.

Nthing much for today, another day of slacking at home, letting the mind wonder, looking forward for alot of things and of coz wondering abt Her.

Well faster faster start work ... faster end month, faster get pay .. and pamper her and me .. keke .. at least i feel more secure with money around .. lol and also much more things i can do too .. ^_^

Idling ..Wondering ..After a Nap

Well juz feel like writing, and been asking myself what it takes to be this or to do this.

I have never known what it takes. What does it take to be a good man? What does it take to be a good mate? Brother? Son? Student? Friend? I have NEVER known what it takes, but I am beginning to find out what it doesn't take... all i know is to be trueful to everything, to be for what i am and to love someone like her wholeheartly.
Just be sincere, honest, and trustworthy in all circumstances.

To be a good man, you don't have to be perfect. Actually, people would probably look at you like some alien if you were flawless. Mess up every once-in-a-while and say the wrong thing, because if you don't you are going to make everyone else look bad i guess. You don't have to always be right. People like it when you are wrong every now and then. It makes you look human and makes them feel a little better. Besides, if you work to make sure that you are never wrong, then you will just drive yourself insane... true ?

To be a good man, i think i don't have to always be happy, however. Even us strong men have to have our down days and on those days its nice to have someone there to listen to us. If it was a hard day at work, then get over it and go back tomorrow. If i guess i m broke and can't find out how to pay my bills, then find a way even if it means asking for help. If I love her and she simply doesn't reciprocate those feelings, then i guess love her anyways and try to move on .. well being positive.

I may not know what all it takes to be a good man, but I do know that I am trying to be one. I am trying to be a good man, mate, brother, son, and friend, and for right now that is going to have to do... trying to love her like no one does .. treasure and cherish for what i have around.

Hmm after a nap, it do make me feel better to think positive .. so well nothing is perfect, it only come with the intention to be one or well trying to fullfill one... to be happy, to be satisfy and to tackle what it come along.
Perfect to me i guess is happiness, and happiness is within our own hand to find.
Well work hard for what i m want, to make a better life for me, future and my partner.

Miss U my dear .. <3

Well Today is Tuesday 05/06/07 .. Current Mood - Happy Yet feeling disheartening ...

Time to update ya.

Well another lovely weekend... just slacking at home, doing some cooking... Enjoying the weekend with her...

Yesterday well happy to receive the news that I found a job, at least the dark day seems to be over and something to look forward to.

Went to fetch her from work, happy to see her and went for dinner at tampines mall.
Everything seems fine till don't no y she feel so pek chey and well angry I guess but don't know for what reason, lol.

Again feeling of disappointment and feeling disheartening ... Some how don't really feel my existent around. I guess maybe she is tired ba .. Well try to understand but deep in my heart, don't really feel good, wondering ...

Reach her home .. Well try to coax her, as usual, sitting in front of her com.
Then just let her be and let her cool down .. till a not so nice voice came into me, telling Me she is going out with her friend on Wednesday, this part is really getting on to me .. Y can't things be communicating in a nicer manner, never in my thought not to let her out with her friend or well to control her .. I wonder me this boyfriend in her heart really stands at where at times .. She going movie with her friend then I just say in a joking manner, all the while I wana see a movie and she never accompany me .. Then she says different lol .. Say she hate to tell someone where she is going and etc .. haiz human behavior is really weird at times.
For the whole night, I m like a scolding target board.

Till bedtime, well try to talk to her again. Deep in me, I really feel like tearing, feeling so disappointed. Then the topic abt my past relationship in WG, heh someone saying I am like one of my friends, flirting around till I met her ..

People who knew me, since when I did flirt around or should I say, when u don't know anything much of the inside story, pls do not comment. As For kate, I guess I don't deny I did try but things don't work out, she really can be a good friend but well not a good gf... and I did vex over her before and when I m with her, she is all i have and .. then came in Reen, well I guess she is another different case, she treat me too good during the time when I was down, and I guess that is not really love, did try too but I guess the feeling is not that deep either but instead out of gratitude and feeling that I owe her something... the feeling fade as the time goes along and is more like a companion. This 2 ger in my life, well all I can say I did try to love them but it just doesn’t work out ..and not right.. and both parties do agree on it. In what way and what things do I do to say I flirt around anyway ... base on my action and what did I do .. since when does u really see me with a gal so close together other then now... not even with them both ..

I guess I should feel glad that at least the someone is saying something nice or should I feel in another way at least she feel jealous and showing she do care.

I don't really bother by all this, but more concern towards her, or should I say I m worry and scare of losing her. For someone like her, I guess a little spark of bad things will make the whole story worst.

Time passes by so swiftly, we forget what gets us by, and We are not individuals
Though we think we live this way and miss out the things we need to treasure around us. Gossips are part of life to gain certain trust and are people whom they feel jealous of and not having it... i guess i m too high profile ..

Well I do know something in her, again I can feel it but well time and trust is still the factor for me to gain it in her.

Well one thing I guess, she is bad at analyze thing and well mind don't really change that fast either. Stubborn still and not being flexible, to understand certain things... None of us like to be controlled I guess but there is a different to show mutual respect as I do care compare to being control in a way of reporting and restricting.

Way of action and approach do reflect wat types of person are we for people who do care and really understand. I want the best for her and hope one day she will understand.. again way of communication, allot people do not aware the importance in it. I guess it takes letting my heart be broken by her and Learning to live with it, using my previous heart to show her.

To fall in love so deeply again it takes incredible trust, and this is something missing in her. "The only way I'll ever deserve her is to try as hard as I can everyday to stretch myself so far beyond myself I'll become more than I ever dreamed I could be."

We've all had our moments when our behavior has been less than considerate. Next time you feel the urge to be rude, inconsiderate or to jump to conclusions, stop yourself. Take a deep breath and ask, "What would be a more loving response to this situation?" That doesn't mean that you allow others to walk all over you. You can speak the truth to people in a very matter of fact way, without being rude. Be considerate of others feelings and be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Well Ice berg is really not that easy to melt anyway, but ice berg does cool down at times and thx for trying more ..

Enjoy life no matter how difficult it may have been or how challenging I may perceive it to be, and to reach my objective, to have a balance.. Well at least a new upcoming job is something I look forward to fulfill my balance.