Sigh Zzzz

Okie i fire the company i been working at ...lol or rather the other way round ..
And now really make me think .. y work so hard .. juz go work 9 am, on the dock 6 am head home ..juz follow the book ...it save your ass more but become so meaningless ..

Sigh .. i would not even feel so down if i have not done anything for the company .. all my effort and my initiative .. sigh .. all the implementation, changes which i made for the company .. so much for all those management to make it better and my objective for the company .... and this is what i get .. bonus also gone ..

Duno what i writing ..just feel like bitching .. damm feeling sucks .... and till only yest 5.30pm then told me, we no longer need your service ... i don't even need to handover .. great ..just want me to leave and ask people to watch at me to pack ..wtf ..

My colleague ask me to fight for it ..but i guess whats the point ..

All i want to say, well at least i had the chance to be working with them at least :) thanks ..

4get it .. bitch another time .. nb #$@#%%$#%^%%&^&

Current Affairs

I've just been so busy lately. I have been working and working which takes up most of my free time. I've been going out to sea, and it has really got me thinking about things. So many things!! Deep stuff that you have to force your mind to get in there and reach for the nitty gritty details. I am enjoying the sea, that's for sure.

Had not been chilling, clubbing, drinking lately ... just work then home .. getting no life again, must spice up soon, its really getting boring for James, lol.

"TO DWELL IN THE PAST, LEADS A SAVAGE HEART, BUT TO STAY IN THE NOW, BREADS A FRESH NEW START. FOR THE FUTURE WE HOLD, WE CANNOT TELL, FOR THAT CHANCE WE TAKE, READS A WHOLE NEW TALE"

Does loving myself unconditionally mean I have to love everything I've ever done?
This question came across my mind, and i ask myself, to be honest, i never did love myself more then my the other partner and other stuff.

I've done things of which I have been ashamed. However, when we love ourselves unconditionally we don't dwell on these past events. We don't make them the focus of how we see ourselves. When we can we correct them. We call them mistakes and learn from them so that we don't do them again, but eventually i learn the mistake but i still blame this and that somehow deep in me, ye moving on but well need allot of pushing factor to be.

Often, though, it's not that clear. Many of us are good at presenting a positive personal(mask) to the world. Inside, though, we may be riddled with doubts about ourselves. We may be nervous about how our remarks or appearance are received. We may meet someone to whom we're attracted and silently affirm that (s)he would never, NEVER be interested in us. This way we avoid the fear of rejection by not taking a risk.

Well, but still i guess as long as we're being faithful to what we do and being truthful to ourselves and others, don't cheat to get something, i guess we already answer to ourselves.. someday i guess even by cheating ourselves, we will get what we want .. as long as we don't give up ..

Well now is lunchy time .. just lazing around in office, reading blog, writing blog, at times when i read that GAY blog, it really speak what i want to say, i think next time i should just cut and paste .. and keep sending me emo song .. faint faint.

Hmm .. don't dwell on to the past,it's never good to dwell on the past.
At times all this stupid stuff are the reasons I don't want to get out of bed anymore, but i still i find reason to drag myself out then, just because i want something that i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart.

Recently i think i did something bad in the eyes of what they think and feel, hope i never break anyone hearts, but well I say, its not as what they think and thought, that is all enough to be say.

Time to eat ..

Happy birthday to me :)

Well never really celebrate but the least was hopping for something but i guess i just have me and myself then ...

Well just another day .. yesterday at work, well my colleagues bought a small cake for me, sweet enough, thanks for the thoughts ...

Thanks to those for your wishes too ...

Okie ..was reading my Gay blog .. okie .. well thanks bro ..
THis is what he write on his blog .. lol

Saturday, August 23, 2008
Happy B-Day Gay
Happy B-day Gay, may all your wish come true. Haha. Who the gay buddy that i been mentioning?? He's a close buddy of mine, James. We not really gay. We wish... haha but we dun like sword fighting. Thanks for accompany me for the past few mths, really appreciated that. Haha, u been asking me to write about you.... Guess i should, since you not been making me emo enough to blog.. haha

Where should i start???... hmmmmmmmmm....

I know tis gay buddy of mine from Shattered Galaxy(a online game)... At the time, both of us are leader of 2 diff regiment, our path crossed when both of us are busy wif work and we decide to merged the 2 regiments and throw the shit work to each other.. haha.

James, a cheerful and entertaining gay who know how to entertain and joke abt anything in the world even abt him been gay... haha. A night out wif him wont b boring. He really a caring person, at times i wish i'm gay and fall in love wif him.. haha. For friends and his god-sisters, he can really go the extra miles to protect and give his very best. But i guess he had gone through alot and long for a good relation and a family of his own. But at times, he dun really know how to let go and move on wif his life and wish that things could change for the best.

Gay, learn to let go and move on wif our life. I believe 1 day, we will find the love we want and have a family we call our own.... May all your wish come true and love me deep deep... haha

p/s. abit high and rushing for mj.. will updated it further when i more sober.. haha...

p/p/s. I Love You.... Happy B-day and May All Your Dream Come True.... Haha

Damm gay but i must clarify ..we're not .. haha ..

SOmehow someone had really let me down, i told myself that will be the last time .. be it true or be it i don't understand .. suan le ba .. a selfish person will never spare a thoughts for others ... i guess i did my part .. i hate promises ..i hate even more lies .. if you can't do it, don't say it ... but still you be a part of me that bring me to today ... i m not god nor i m so wei da .. all i want is someone stable, someone who knew what she want and to make a rs work out to walk a longer path .. understand what it means to be happy, had a balance in life and etc ..

Well ..
Time for housework ..

TGIF

Hmm well

M trying to act bz at work, so i m here ... ^_^

当狗爱上猫 <---- interesting, does it ever happen ?

To go against the impossible and make it possible, to cherish the time spent together rather then to just let it go, and to suffer alone, leaving your love one behind, when your love one just want to spent the rest of the time meaningfully, having a beautiful memories.....

well recently i being losing all motivation, just feel like sleeping everyday like nobody cares ...



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The above picture like nice, took it when i was omw back to jetty ..
Looking at the sea, really make oneself feel clam.

Wondering and wondering ....

Aweful day today ...

Somehow dun really feel good today .. maybe its really getting near ..
or well along come with some disappointment that make my mood bad .....

Past few day, been busy running around between office and vessel ..
But i been enjoying going on board, enjoy the sea and scenery out there.

sigh .. too many disappointment lately .. Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation... Zzzz

having a headache now, not even the mood to write .. other time then ..

Boring Weekend

Okie what i did last week ..
Work and more work ....

Last Thursday, something new to add on to my job experience, i went on board our company vessel call Bro Venture ..interesting ..took a small boat from west coast jetty, then half an hour boat ride to the main ship ...Nice sea breeze, been awhile .. let me wonder some thoughts ...

Well on board the vessel is indeed interesting, went to the main deck where the captain handle the ship ..well i was there to check on the system anyway .. looking forward to board another vessel soon :)

Nothing interesting recently, just focusing on work then home .. well i realize the nearer it get to my birthday, the more unhappy i feel. At times i wish to have people there to celebrate for me or even someone i love to be there .. but after so many years .. the feeling just get numb.

I guess, We all want, above all, to be heard - but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood - heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant.

But still being the positive me, will still continue to move on, that is life.

I m missing something .. after so long .. "Have i told u lately that i want to hear you ?"
I being trying to move on but all is just lust to me or like i say before just being lead on .. or well again disappointment when i put in effort.

Once awhile i still sms her, but all i get is disappointment or the least not even being as a friend to be, but i just wish her to know she still in me, or the least i wish to know how had she been doing.

Some people hold truth to the myth that there is only ONE love for you out there. This could not be farther from the truth. Humans have the ability to deeply love any person they choose to. True we may have a stronger, intimate connection with some, but it doesn't mean it can only happen once. For whatever reason, this relationship isn't the right one for me? well i duno. If it were, i guess i still be in it.

"When you're feeling down, remember that. Know that your special someone is out there, and when you're ready you WILL find them. But, you have to start looking ahead of you to find him/she. He/she isn't going to be trailing in your shadows."<--- a consolation to be :)

Well m spenting my weekend to watch this i guess 溏心风暴之家好月园 ...
Can't believe it i been watching HK drama recently again ... and again how i wish life is like a drama at times :)

Horoscope ..beliefs ?

I always heard people mentioning about horoscope and to say something like ya ..all horoscope of this sign are like this or like that ... Whether you are superstitious or skeptical, horoscopes are as popular as they have ever been.

Do i believe ? Not at all! That's all just for entertainment. There's absolutely no truth or research done or anything to place any faith in horoscope

How is that advice different for your sign than any other? Wouldn't that advice be legitimate regardless of what day of the year you were born?

That's how horoscopes work. They just make vague statements and give vague advice that could work for anyone.

Well, there are millions of people sharing your same Astrological Sign. You read your horoscope and by coincidence it may apply to something that may happen tonight. It won't make any sense to most of those with your same sign. Maybe tomorrow one of those who didn't find anything significant on the horoscope that you think applies to you may find something, by chance, that will apply to them somehow. It is just pure chance and coincidence.

But still its a good guide or well a good motivation to be .. but i guess we just can't judge a person by horoscope or to rely on that.

Was at helipad yesterday again, ye with my gay buddy AGAIN. lol then all this topic come into mind and well debating faint faint .. but was a nice windy night to chill.

THen after that, we head to MOS since its free so take a walk lo, met some friends there, do some sight seeing and well then someone call so i make a move.

Happy and sad after that, or rather disappointed.

Nevertheless still keep things positive ...