Make the laughter outweigh the tears ?

I been wondering wth i being doing lol ..

Definition of my life is going haywire ...
I need to relax and lighten up. Should not take myself too seriously and try not to over analyze things.
We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that's happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won, that is what i always say but still time is going so slow and so many error along the way, so many troubleshooting and debugging to do, sigh hectic.

Well, Take the good with the bad. No one is happy all the time. Everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life.

Sunday bright shinny, wake up, kind of fresh, at least better then the feeling i get before i slept.
looking at the clock, seeing the time and wondering what to do.
Trying to make myself feel better and i guess be gracious and be thankful.

At times i wonder what i am trying to get, is it a short term satisfaction ?
Such as alcohol, sex. , and the effects die out very soon, leaving me with an empty feeling that is sometimes worse than before.. but well people still get happy over it somehow.

Today i read back my the other 2 blog .. i realize till now ..4 lady in my life which i really put in allot of effort for them ... which make me to what i am today.

Firstly Karen - someone who i owe allot ..for 2 years i being with her .... who has gone thru lots of up and down with me, but i guess till now i really feel she is a nice gal and i being selfish during my younger days, and also cause of you, i quit lots of things today which i never being doing and to realize what and how a relationship should be.

Secondly Jean - although just 3 months but she bring out the childishness in me ... someone whom i fall in love with after so long, but well still short and sweet.

Thirdly Michelle - my pillar, my everything that i be proud of, someone which till now inside my heart still hurt for the things i done and i regret.

Fourthly Sherlyn - someone who always have a place in my heart ... but well you throw my effort away, till today, i still hold on to your words for what u say to me.

The rest is either too short term or well being lead on although i wish to put my effort in them but always end up the wrong path or well never make me feel like loving or being love. But there is one who i let her down. or i guess m really too picky somehow.

I keep moving on and moving on but all i get is disappointment.
Lost touch of allot of things, the more i choose not to think the more i feel depress or i can't control my emotion to be .. era change, perspective point of view changes too .. and so how many people do know what they want ..

And well not forgetting my Gay buddy which being with me for this few months, which m really glad .. someone whom i know for many years .. someone also still struggling with life somehow, but i guess not that much ..but well maybe he need to stop being stubborn and listen to others in a way .. hmm wrong i guess, should be well move on to find what you want and don't wait for durian to drop .. but at times i feel he is doing the right way, least he don't get disappointed like what i feel .. but he is hiding in a cornor somewhere, waiting to be spotted by a guy then .. but still thanks ..

What i want is something which i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart ....

Thinking back, if i ever able to turn back the time, will i still choose to go through what i go through, to love the girl i love, to give all my love to everyone and make the same mistakes i make? I might. As that wat make me who i am today.

At times, we regret about the past we been through and hope that we can turn back the time and undo the mistake. But we had forgotten that if we had not committed the mistakes, we will never able to learn from it and be a better person.

Many times in a relationship, we are always searching for the perfect person and even when in a relationship, we will compared and complaint about our bf/gf and wish that he/she can be the one we want. But we had forgotten the reasons and things that make us fall in love wif him/her. Not matter how much the person being giving to us or good to us, we will still think that it's not enough and asking for more. Wishing that he can be someone else. Everyone got their good and bad sides, at times we juz keep looking at the bad sides and start complaining and forgot about his good sides that we once love and treasure.

In a relationship, no one will be able to advice you and tell you what to do. As long as ur heart feel that it's right then go for it. End of the day, who are we to judge and comment the relationship. Juz treasure the moments and love wif all your heart and nvr regrets.

Happiness is a very subjective factor in one's life. Being happy doesn't depend on achieving what u want, but rather making the best out of what is given. Life isn't fair, it never was. The only thing that can make u completely happy is contentment.. Be content on what u have, but be sure to aim high & never stop believing that u can do better everytime.