因为爱过，所以不会成敌人；因为伤过，所以不会做朋友。
如果，前世的五百次回眸才换来今生的擦肩而过，那想来已经很幸福了――
其实，擦肩而过，也是一种很深的缘分。
佛说：五百次的回眸才能换来今生的擦肩而过。可以一秒钟遇到一个人，一分钟认识一个人，一个小时喜欢上一个人，一天时间爱上一个人，但是却要用一辈子去忘记一个人。
当她不爱你的时候，无论过去她是否爱过还是后来忘了，又或者是从未爱过，当你无法再成为她心里的那个人的时候，她的心便不会记得你。
请不要在你不开心时去打搅她，她那儿绝对不是你此刻应该的去处。
请不要与她讲你的琐事，她无暇更是没有兴趣去了解你、你的生活。即使讲了，她也很快会忘记的。没有爱，你注定挤不进她的生命。
请不要在她的面前流眼泪，她无法给予你照顾和关心，至多只是一点同情。只有爱你的人，才会真正的去珍惜你，而不是，旁观的同情和怜悯。当她不爱你的时候，你的爱便是她的负担。
请不要去计算自己的付出，不要希望有什么音箱。你用心，她无心，爱着不爱自己的人，本身便是没有回报的。不要计较对与错，这样会快乐些。
请不要失去自信，因为爱一个人，并非她的优秀，而只是一种感觉。她让你有这样的感觉，于是你爱她。同样，她不爱你，也并非你不优秀。优秀，不是爱的理由。还有那么多爱自己的人，淡淡地微笑一下，也是异样甜美的。
当她不爱你的时候，也一定要祝福她。有了爱，便不该有恨，因为曾经有爱，有爱的日子里是快乐的，有缘在一起也是快乐，有过快乐有过爱，就不会再有恨。她失去的是一个爱她的人，而你失去了一个不爱你的人，却得到了一个重新生活、重新去爱的机会。请你深深呼吸，一生的路上，铺满了爱的花蕾，总有那么一朵属于你，花儿虽多，却没有重复的一朵，这是生生世世早已经注定的。
当她不爱你的时候，就是你从他生活中消失的时候，第一时间离开她，骄傲地过属于自己的生活。同时，你也希望她能幸福快乐，找到属于她的未来。轻轻拥抱一下回忆里的温暖，轻柔地凝视凋谢的温柔。无论结果怎样都会破坏了曾经的美感。干干净净地离开，也许若干年后的某个午后，阳光下的她眯起双眼会记起某个美好的瞬间，会心一笑。种种怀念，值了。
爱不一定要离心机。曾经拥有的也许会是你一生最美好的回忆。因为爱过，所以不会成敌人；因为伤过，所以不会做朋友；只能是最熟悉的陌生人。爱过知情重，醉过知酒浓。关于爱的记忆，应该好好收藏，只是今后的幸福，要各自去寻找。
爱是一种感觉，不爱也是一种感觉，而往往难以抉择的是心中的感觉到底是爱还是不爱。原来握在手里的，不一定就是你们真正拥有的；你们所拥有的，也不一定就是你们真正铭刻在心的。人生很多时候需要自觉的放弃，因为拥有的时候，你们也许正在失去，而放弃的时候，你们也许又在重新获得。
明白的人懂得放弃，真情的人懂得牺牲，幸福的人懂得超脱。对不密集架自己的人，最需要的是理解、放弃和祝福。过多的自作多情是在乞求对方的施舍。爱与被爱，都是让人幸福的事情。不要让这些变成痛苦。既然你们已经经历了，多年以后，偶尔想起，希望都是美好的回忆。活的自信些，开心些，把最美的微笑留给伤你最深的人，聪明的人知道自己要快乐。
珍惜你爱的人和爱你的人.
Being awhile since i blog ..usually when i blog is because i feel sucky.Unexpectedly being doused with an icy cold bucket of water.
THe above things which i came across ..meaningful .. all along i try to smile to bring to my surrounding ... never expect others, my the other half or well to understand ... and who will ..maybe except my Gay will ...0.0
Nevertheless, emotion tends to be very obvious from me.
Never expect to be crying for the longest in this recent years ...and yet it did happen ..
Never expect to be gracious, demanding, taking things positive, end up is hurting myself.
Never expect the thought to found the one and yet turn up to be another emptiness to understand the meaning of walking hand in hand instead of perfectness.
Something that develops and grows, and also can shrink as well if not attending to. Love is not predestined that is for sure...but it can appear out of no where and happen anywhere and up to a couple to make things work out ..
Always, emotions have followed my intellect. Never the other way around. So, for me, it was always a choice. Never predestined, or anything like that... always up to us to see to feel to find to make the path longer.
Accept responsibility that we contributed to the demise of the relationship, however, that it was also a two-way street. There's no need to dwell on what each person "did" or "did not" do. Assess it what relationship areas we could probably address for future relationships and make a commitment to do something about it or to work things out in pair ..
sigh ..juz feel like nagging abit, don't no what m i saying too ...
Down down down .. hope blogging make my time pass faster ..
Nevertheless, 2009 ? Zzzzz
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Out of the BLue ...
Well damm it .. my pay heven came in dupz ...and well i being home for the past few days .. thinking about stuff ... wondering when my hp will ring ...
Somehow or rather, m thinking, and i came across this article which i find it interesting ...
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness - and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
True ? but as a guy well it is quite true for me lol ..it all point down to communication and again like i say, its all about making the right tracks and to understand wat it takes to be.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter - it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Interesting ya but well it is quite true ...
I seems to be hinting something afterall lol ..
Well later then ...
Somehow or rather, m thinking, and i came across this article which i find it interesting ...
48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," Neuman says. "But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Neuman says. "But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness - and once you set the tone, he's likely to match it."
True ? but as a guy well it is quite true for me lol ..it all point down to communication and again like i say, its all about making the right tracks and to understand wat it takes to be.
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn't stray because he thinks he'll get better sex with a better-looking body. "In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void," Neuman says. "He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride." If you're worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions. (But know that sex does matter - it's one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)
Interesting ya but well it is quite true ...
I seems to be hinting something afterall lol ..
Well later then ...
Friday, November 21, 2008
Been Awhile
Been awhile since i last blog.
What have i been doing ? Swaying around, looking around .. working ..
And somehow recently i began to be mentality very tired.
Longing for something and hope to be love .. craving for the feeling ..
Love is like the ocean. Everybody sees something different when they look at it. For some, it's a place to have fun. For others, it's a scary place where you can drown or be eaten by sharks.
When you're standing on the shore, you see the waves go one by one after the other. You see the flow of the tide. So you think it comes and it goes.
Where you're sitting on the surface, it takes some getting used to. Sometimes it's choppy. Sometimes the waves are really big. Sometimes it's flat and there's not wind. And you think there's a lot of scary stuff lurking below, like undertows, stingrays, jellyfish, and sharks -- all waiting to hurt you -- or worse.
But when you're in it, it's all around you. And most of the earth is ocean. It never requires proof because it's always there. And it's always been there.
Of course, there are always going to be some people in the ocean who are always trying to get somewhere. But there will always be the few who understand that they're already there...
Well same old stories, people complain but never knew what is there and already there or to make things happen.
There are many factors in my life that has gotten me where I am today. One of the surprising things that has had a tremendous impact in my life i guess is when i was 14 and well sigh long story, one is the shortage of love that somehow lead to be very independent and to fight for what i want, and after fighting for what i have, i become too obesse in it and thus taking things for granted and living in a world of entertainment, attention, etc.
And now .. learn to be satisfy,and realize what is more important ...
Trying to make everyday count.
Make every feeling towards someone good. Don't be angry or bitter. Be free from the horrible pattern that this world is taking all of us through ... lol
Somehow deep down .. m really tired .. always going thru the same process, SOP ..lol
And how many really do understand ... or to know our well being and the things we say to guide and to make it better ...
Well the story keep repeating over the years, when will it come to a good ending ..
Heh been awhile i chill out ..
What have i been doing ? Swaying around, looking around .. working ..
And somehow recently i began to be mentality very tired.
Longing for something and hope to be love .. craving for the feeling ..
Love is like the ocean. Everybody sees something different when they look at it. For some, it's a place to have fun. For others, it's a scary place where you can drown or be eaten by sharks.
When you're standing on the shore, you see the waves go one by one after the other. You see the flow of the tide. So you think it comes and it goes.
Where you're sitting on the surface, it takes some getting used to. Sometimes it's choppy. Sometimes the waves are really big. Sometimes it's flat and there's not wind. And you think there's a lot of scary stuff lurking below, like undertows, stingrays, jellyfish, and sharks -- all waiting to hurt you -- or worse.
But when you're in it, it's all around you. And most of the earth is ocean. It never requires proof because it's always there. And it's always been there.
Of course, there are always going to be some people in the ocean who are always trying to get somewhere. But there will always be the few who understand that they're already there...
Well same old stories, people complain but never knew what is there and already there or to make things happen.
There are many factors in my life that has gotten me where I am today. One of the surprising things that has had a tremendous impact in my life i guess is when i was 14 and well sigh long story, one is the shortage of love that somehow lead to be very independent and to fight for what i want, and after fighting for what i have, i become too obesse in it and thus taking things for granted and living in a world of entertainment, attention, etc.
And now .. learn to be satisfy,and realize what is more important ...
Trying to make everyday count.
Make every feeling towards someone good. Don't be angry or bitter. Be free from the horrible pattern that this world is taking all of us through ... lol
Somehow deep down .. m really tired .. always going thru the same process, SOP ..lol
And how many really do understand ... or to know our well being and the things we say to guide and to make it better ...
Well the story keep repeating over the years, when will it come to a good ending ..
Heh been awhile i chill out ..
Saturday, September 27, 2008
THe 3rd weeks i being siGhing ...
Feeling rather moody for the past few weeks and i shut myself off, and sleep my day away .. sleeping for more then u can imagine .. siGh ...
At times i thought that i really had let go of the past, but sometimes i wished that something had never end. For the past few mths without her, i been living a life without tomorrow. Spend like there's no tomorrow, club like there's no tomorrow. But end of the day i still feel empty. I really dun enjoy the life i living now. i really wish for something that i proud of and worth working for.
But well i gueSs the priority now is to make my every day full fill to be with a JOb that i like .. i always wonder when will be the day someone will recognize my ability, i always think i can do better if given the chance... well recently i start to have another thinking, should i try to switch my belief from love stories to realistic stories to be ..
Then TODAY my Gay friend told me ..heh you finally wake up to your ideas .. lol.
Am i all the while living in a land of fantasy, hoping and wishing for fairy like stories ..
Hatezz say :-
Been watching 溏心風暴之家好月圓. How i wish that i had a family like their. Been like crying for almost every episodes. How i wish that i had that kind of family warm. Few days back, i missed home-cook food so much. It been like ages since i had someone cooking for me. That kind of warm that i always long for. Whenever i passby my neighbour house at dinner time, i feel the kind of sour running through me. At times i wish that i could start afresh at a foreign country where no one know who i'm and no one or things that remind me of my past.
James say well Hi^5, i wish too .. it always being in my thoughts and for one reason why i cannot forget someone .. not because of anything but the feeling she give me which i being craving for so long ..and everything is just what i want to be, something which i feel warm from her love and all because of my stupid principle, things had to turn another way round ..
And so i sms her out of the blue and ask her How r u ..have have u been ..
The reply is well .. "Can u dun bother to msg me? I dun feel like received yr msg. I been very well nt tgt wif u." sound disheartening ya .. I just reply ..that was not what i meant, just being concern as a friend ..
At the end of the day ..the greatest enemy is still me, the me who causes all this to happen .. but still i believe one day someone out there will understand ..
At times i thought that i really had let go of the past, but sometimes i wished that something had never end. For the past few mths without her, i been living a life without tomorrow. Spend like there's no tomorrow, club like there's no tomorrow. But end of the day i still feel empty. I really dun enjoy the life i living now. i really wish for something that i proud of and worth working for.
But well i gueSs the priority now is to make my every day full fill to be with a JOb that i like .. i always wonder when will be the day someone will recognize my ability, i always think i can do better if given the chance... well recently i start to have another thinking, should i try to switch my belief from love stories to realistic stories to be ..
Then TODAY my Gay friend told me ..heh you finally wake up to your ideas .. lol.
Am i all the while living in a land of fantasy, hoping and wishing for fairy like stories ..
Hatezz say :-
Been watching 溏心風暴之家好月圓. How i wish that i had a family like their. Been like crying for almost every episodes. How i wish that i had that kind of family warm. Few days back, i missed home-cook food so much. It been like ages since i had someone cooking for me. That kind of warm that i always long for. Whenever i passby my neighbour house at dinner time, i feel the kind of sour running through me. At times i wish that i could start afresh at a foreign country where no one know who i'm and no one or things that remind me of my past.
James say well Hi^5, i wish too .. it always being in my thoughts and for one reason why i cannot forget someone .. not because of anything but the feeling she give me which i being craving for so long ..and everything is just what i want to be, something which i feel warm from her love and all because of my stupid principle, things had to turn another way round ..
And so i sms her out of the blue and ask her How r u ..have have u been ..
The reply is well .. "Can u dun bother to msg me? I dun feel like received yr msg. I been very well nt tgt wif u." sound disheartening ya .. I just reply ..that was not what i meant, just being concern as a friend ..
At the end of the day ..the greatest enemy is still me, the me who causes all this to happen .. but still i believe one day someone out there will understand ..
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wad a WeEkend ..
WEnt to Lunar on Sat for Gab birthday and spent the whole of Sun sleeping .. lol can't believe it .. i guess to make up the lack of slp ..and after so many drinks on sat ..
Lunar was celebrating their 1 year anniversary, so Cao Ge was there to sing for the night .. hmm not really a huge fan of him but well still enjoy listening to the song anyway .. but there was really allot of fans of his on that night .. Me and my friends were like sitting right in front of Cao Ge and behind me, wow pretty actress .. i didn't realize that till my friend told me .. never knew face to face they're so pretty.. and quite friendly too, at least don't look dao ..well i don't remember what their name anyway hee ..
Lol then there was this moment when Cao Ge went down from stage to shake hand with the peeps in front and well lol so when he was about to shake hand with me, he took his hand off .. lol look so ps for a moment then ... faint.
Had quite a number of drinks but still manage to pull it off being drunk .. lol
Not a bad night with friends around and catching up with friend which i have not seem for quite awhile .. and in between went over to MOS, as usual sign people in and well drinks again ..
The night ended when the birthday boy was drunk hee ..
Oh well i guess i need to find a job fast ..m getting bored already ..and going broke soon with every weekend drink drank drunk .. lol
But then .. i still feel kind of low morale and no motivation .. no aim no target ..sian and becoming so lazy .. just don't wish to think ..so i guess i spent most of the time sleeping away .. sigh ..
Hope it get better soon ..
Lunar was celebrating their 1 year anniversary, so Cao Ge was there to sing for the night .. hmm not really a huge fan of him but well still enjoy listening to the song anyway .. but there was really allot of fans of his on that night .. Me and my friends were like sitting right in front of Cao Ge and behind me, wow pretty actress .. i didn't realize that till my friend told me .. never knew face to face they're so pretty.. and quite friendly too, at least don't look dao ..well i don't remember what their name anyway hee ..
Lol then there was this moment when Cao Ge went down from stage to shake hand with the peeps in front and well lol so when he was about to shake hand with me, he took his hand off .. lol look so ps for a moment then ... faint.
Had quite a number of drinks but still manage to pull it off being drunk .. lol
Not a bad night with friends around and catching up with friend which i have not seem for quite awhile .. and in between went over to MOS, as usual sign people in and well drinks again ..
The night ended when the birthday boy was drunk hee ..
Oh well i guess i need to find a job fast ..m getting bored already ..and going broke soon with every weekend drink drank drunk .. lol
But then .. i still feel kind of low morale and no motivation .. no aim no target ..sian and becoming so lazy .. just don't wish to think ..so i guess i spent most of the time sleeping away .. sigh ..
Hope it get better soon ..
Sunday, September 14, 2008
What a Night ...
Hmm went clubbing at MOS ... saw allot of friends ..sisters too ..
And allot of my friend that went together with me .. and today really broke record ..sign in i guess got 15 people ? lol so pai seh .. and i have to PR again haha ..
Well lots of drinks .. end up 1 drunk ..few high .. and left 3 bottle of wine behind for not able to finish it ... i think total got 12 bottles of wine lol.
I try to find back certain feeling but well i don't seems to enjoy at all... even dance floor feel boring or well just can't stand guys nowadays, so end up being body guard.. i really can't stand some guy, don't understand what is so nice just to stand there and bua from behind .. there is this guy really sway ..he try to bua with 2 of my gal friends ..then end up i chase him off then he go try his luck on another group of gals, then well my friends too .. end up chase him away too, but still so thick skin then i push him off .. really nerd ..don't even dare to do anything, then his friend keep saying ps .. lol .. but well i do admire their thick skin and being ignorance haha ... well i try to enjoy too with the gals around but somehow i really don't feel anything nor i enjoy it .. so well just take care of them ..
Haiz, at times i guess m really getting old .. things i want change ..point of view looking towards certain things change too ... i really wonder when will be my turn to have a chance of luck.
M i really holding too much to the past .. like what my gay friend say .. so the below song suit me .. lol
收藏再眼眸，常徘徊左右
爱，猜到没有？
愉快玩笑后
能全然退后
你开心就够
这种感觉太真厚
讲一千句也不够
假使讲了你听到后，或会走
这种恋爱太罕有
不需真正拥有
成全 ，衷心祝福然后...
就放手
放手，放开所有
彼此更自由， 放手...
其实我决非爱得不够！
放手，豁出所有
还有这个好友，已经，已经足够...
遥远是宇宙
静静在背后
去看守就够
这种感觉太深厚
讲一千句也不够
即使一刹有过冲动
挽你手
这种恋爱太罕有
不需真正拥有
成全，多舍不得仍然是放手
放手，放开所有，彼此更自由
放手，其实我决非爱得不够
放手，豁出所有，还有这个好友
经，已经足够
放手，我的牵挂，找不到尽头
放手，寄望你幸福什么都有
也许，爱很深厚
而我，早看得透
放手，只可拥有
Hmm m i doing too many bad things ..well let me think back ..to be honest not really .. i treat everyone with my heart, take care of them, even if things happen, i don't cheat to gain something or to cheat for the needs, so well what went wrong, maybe m just not bastard enough .. or well m really too soft hearted to certain things, even my work goes wrong, i really wonder what is wrong with me to cause all this things.
But for everything that went wrong, i guess somehow i had to play a part .. be it me, wrong or right .. i had to be positive, as long as i still hold on to my ethic i guess ...
well ... wtf now is 8 am ..and i still not slping faint ..
And allot of my friend that went together with me .. and today really broke record ..sign in i guess got 15 people ? lol so pai seh .. and i have to PR again haha ..
Well lots of drinks .. end up 1 drunk ..few high .. and left 3 bottle of wine behind for not able to finish it ... i think total got 12 bottles of wine lol.
I try to find back certain feeling but well i don't seems to enjoy at all... even dance floor feel boring or well just can't stand guys nowadays, so end up being body guard.. i really can't stand some guy, don't understand what is so nice just to stand there and bua from behind .. there is this guy really sway ..he try to bua with 2 of my gal friends ..then end up i chase him off then he go try his luck on another group of gals, then well my friends too .. end up chase him away too, but still so thick skin then i push him off .. really nerd ..don't even dare to do anything, then his friend keep saying ps .. lol .. but well i do admire their thick skin and being ignorance haha ... well i try to enjoy too with the gals around but somehow i really don't feel anything nor i enjoy it .. so well just take care of them ..
Haiz, at times i guess m really getting old .. things i want change ..point of view looking towards certain things change too ... i really wonder when will be my turn to have a chance of luck.
M i really holding too much to the past .. like what my gay friend say .. so the below song suit me .. lol
收藏再眼眸，常徘徊左右
爱，猜到没有？
愉快玩笑后
能全然退后
你开心就够
这种感觉太真厚
讲一千句也不够
假使讲了你听到后，或会走
这种恋爱太罕有
不需真正拥有
成全 ，衷心祝福然后...
就放手
放手，放开所有
彼此更自由， 放手...
其实我决非爱得不够！
放手，豁出所有
还有这个好友，已经，已经足够...
遥远是宇宙
静静在背后
去看守就够
这种感觉太深厚
讲一千句也不够
即使一刹有过冲动
挽你手
这种恋爱太罕有
不需真正拥有
成全，多舍不得仍然是放手
放手，放开所有，彼此更自由
放手，其实我决非爱得不够
放手，豁出所有，还有这个好友
经，已经足够
放手，我的牵挂，找不到尽头
放手，寄望你幸福什么都有
也许，爱很深厚
而我，早看得透
放手，只可拥有
Hmm m i doing too many bad things ..well let me think back ..to be honest not really .. i treat everyone with my heart, take care of them, even if things happen, i don't cheat to gain something or to cheat for the needs, so well what went wrong, maybe m just not bastard enough .. or well m really too soft hearted to certain things, even my work goes wrong, i really wonder what is wrong with me to cause all this things.
But for everything that went wrong, i guess somehow i had to play a part .. be it me, wrong or right .. i had to be positive, as long as i still hold on to my ethic i guess ...
well ... wtf now is 8 am ..and i still not slping faint ..
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Rainy blue sky day ...
I been hibernating for awhile .. well time to wakie ..doesn't mean i m lazing anyway :)
I’ve been watching Forensic Heroes 2 and one of the song - You are my Angel. The lyrics are really simple and the song is beautiful.
Once upon a time,
Arcangel in the sky,
May it cover every night,
Once upon a time,
The angel loved me so,
It’s a miracle in the snow, my heart won’t be cold
My dear, you are my angel,
Tell me what you know,
Something should be told
My dear, you are my angel,
Tell me where you go,
I will brace behind your love
* Dun cry over what we lost ... laugh for what we have and treasure
I’ve been watching Forensic Heroes 2 and one of the song - You are my Angel. The lyrics are really simple and the song is beautiful.
Once upon a time,
Arcangel in the sky,
May it cover every night,
Once upon a time,
The angel loved me so,
It’s a miracle in the snow, my heart won’t be cold
My dear, you are my angel,
Tell me what you know,
Something should be told
My dear, you are my angel,
Tell me where you go,
I will brace behind your love
* Dun cry over what we lost ... laugh for what we have and treasure
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Sigh Zzzz
Okie i fire the company i been working at ...lol or rather the other way round ..
And now really make me think .. y work so hard .. juz go work 9 am, on the dock 6 am head home ..juz follow the book ...it save your ass more but become so meaningless ..
Sigh .. i would not even feel so down if i have not done anything for the company .. all my effort and my initiative .. sigh .. all the implementation, changes which i made for the company .. so much for all those management to make it better and my objective for the company .... and this is what i get .. bonus also gone ..
Duno what i writing ..just feel like bitching .. damm feeling sucks .... and till only yest 5.30pm then told me, we no longer need your service ... i don't even need to handover .. great ..just want me to leave and ask people to watch at me to pack ..wtf ..
My colleague ask me to fight for it ..but i guess whats the point ..
All i want to say, well at least i had the chance to be working with them at least :) thanks ..
4get it .. bitch another time .. nb #$@#%%$#%^%%&^&
And now really make me think .. y work so hard .. juz go work 9 am, on the dock 6 am head home ..juz follow the book ...it save your ass more but become so meaningless ..
Sigh .. i would not even feel so down if i have not done anything for the company .. all my effort and my initiative .. sigh .. all the implementation, changes which i made for the company .. so much for all those management to make it better and my objective for the company .... and this is what i get .. bonus also gone ..
Duno what i writing ..just feel like bitching .. damm feeling sucks .... and till only yest 5.30pm then told me, we no longer need your service ... i don't even need to handover .. great ..just want me to leave and ask people to watch at me to pack ..wtf ..
My colleague ask me to fight for it ..but i guess whats the point ..
All i want to say, well at least i had the chance to be working with them at least :) thanks ..
4get it .. bitch another time .. nb #$@#%%$#%^%%&^&
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Current Affairs
I've just been so busy lately. I have been working and working which takes up most of my free time. I've been going out to sea, and it has really got me thinking about things. So many things!! Deep stuff that you have to force your mind to get in there and reach for the nitty gritty details. I am enjoying the sea, that's for sure.
Had not been chilling, clubbing, drinking lately ... just work then home .. getting no life again, must spice up soon, its really getting boring for James, lol.
"TO DWELL IN THE PAST, LEADS A SAVAGE HEART, BUT TO STAY IN THE NOW, BREADS A FRESH NEW START. FOR THE FUTURE WE HOLD, WE CANNOT TELL, FOR THAT CHANCE WE TAKE, READS A WHOLE NEW TALE"
Does loving myself unconditionally mean I have to love everything I've ever done?
This question came across my mind, and i ask myself, to be honest, i never did love myself more then my the other partner and other stuff.
I've done things of which I have been ashamed. However, when we love ourselves unconditionally we don't dwell on these past events. We don't make them the focus of how we see ourselves. When we can we correct them. We call them mistakes and learn from them so that we don't do them again, but eventually i learn the mistake but i still blame this and that somehow deep in me, ye moving on but well need allot of pushing factor to be.
Often, though, it's not that clear. Many of us are good at presenting a positive personal(mask) to the world. Inside, though, we may be riddled with doubts about ourselves. We may be nervous about how our remarks or appearance are received. We may meet someone to whom we're attracted and silently affirm that (s)he would never, NEVER be interested in us. This way we avoid the fear of rejection by not taking a risk.
Well, but still i guess as long as we're being faithful to what we do and being truthful to ourselves and others, don't cheat to get something, i guess we already answer to ourselves.. someday i guess even by cheating ourselves, we will get what we want .. as long as we don't give up ..
Well now is lunchy time .. just lazing around in office, reading blog, writing blog, at times when i read that GAY blog, it really speak what i want to say, i think next time i should just cut and paste .. and keep sending me emo song .. faint faint.
Hmm .. don't dwell on to the past,it's never good to dwell on the past.
At times all this stupid stuff are the reasons I don't want to get out of bed anymore, but i still i find reason to drag myself out then, just because i want something that i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart.
Recently i think i did something bad in the eyes of what they think and feel, hope i never break anyone hearts, but well I say, its not as what they think and thought, that is all enough to be say.
Time to eat ..
Had not been chilling, clubbing, drinking lately ... just work then home .. getting no life again, must spice up soon, its really getting boring for James, lol.
"TO DWELL IN THE PAST, LEADS A SAVAGE HEART, BUT TO STAY IN THE NOW, BREADS A FRESH NEW START. FOR THE FUTURE WE HOLD, WE CANNOT TELL, FOR THAT CHANCE WE TAKE, READS A WHOLE NEW TALE"
Does loving myself unconditionally mean I have to love everything I've ever done?
This question came across my mind, and i ask myself, to be honest, i never did love myself more then my the other partner and other stuff.
I've done things of which I have been ashamed. However, when we love ourselves unconditionally we don't dwell on these past events. We don't make them the focus of how we see ourselves. When we can we correct them. We call them mistakes and learn from them so that we don't do them again, but eventually i learn the mistake but i still blame this and that somehow deep in me, ye moving on but well need allot of pushing factor to be.
Often, though, it's not that clear. Many of us are good at presenting a positive personal(mask) to the world. Inside, though, we may be riddled with doubts about ourselves. We may be nervous about how our remarks or appearance are received. We may meet someone to whom we're attracted and silently affirm that (s)he would never, NEVER be interested in us. This way we avoid the fear of rejection by not taking a risk.
Well, but still i guess as long as we're being faithful to what we do and being truthful to ourselves and others, don't cheat to get something, i guess we already answer to ourselves.. someday i guess even by cheating ourselves, we will get what we want .. as long as we don't give up ..
Well now is lunchy time .. just lazing around in office, reading blog, writing blog, at times when i read that GAY blog, it really speak what i want to say, i think next time i should just cut and paste .. and keep sending me emo song .. faint faint.
Hmm .. don't dwell on to the past,it's never good to dwell on the past.
At times all this stupid stuff are the reasons I don't want to get out of bed anymore, but i still i find reason to drag myself out then, just because i want something that i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart.
Recently i think i did something bad in the eyes of what they think and feel, hope i never break anyone hearts, but well I say, its not as what they think and thought, that is all enough to be say.
Time to eat ..
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Happy birthday to me :)
Well never really celebrate but the least was hopping for something but i guess i just have me and myself then ...
Well just another day .. yesterday at work, well my colleagues bought a small cake for me, sweet enough, thanks for the thoughts ...
Thanks to those for your wishes too ...
Okie ..was reading my Gay blog .. okie .. well thanks bro ..
THis is what he write on his blog .. lol
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Happy B-Day Gay
Happy B-day Gay, may all your wish come true. Haha. Who the gay buddy that i been mentioning?? He's a close buddy of mine, James. We not really gay. We wish... haha but we dun like sword fighting. Thanks for accompany me for the past few mths, really appreciated that. Haha, u been asking me to write about you.... Guess i should, since you not been making me emo enough to blog.. haha
Where should i start???... hmmmmmmmmm....
I know tis gay buddy of mine from Shattered Galaxy(a online game)... At the time, both of us are leader of 2 diff regiment, our path crossed when both of us are busy wif work and we decide to merged the 2 regiments and throw the shit work to each other.. haha.
James, a cheerful and entertaining gay who know how to entertain and joke abt anything in the world even abt him been gay... haha. A night out wif him wont b boring. He really a caring person, at times i wish i'm gay and fall in love wif him.. haha. For friends and his god-sisters, he can really go the extra miles to protect and give his very best. But i guess he had gone through alot and long for a good relation and a family of his own. But at times, he dun really know how to let go and move on wif his life and wish that things could change for the best.
Gay, learn to let go and move on wif our life. I believe 1 day, we will find the love we want and have a family we call our own.... May all your wish come true and love me deep deep... haha
p/s. abit high and rushing for mj.. will updated it further when i more sober.. haha...
p/p/s. I Love You.... Happy B-day and May All Your Dream Come True.... Haha
Damm gay but i must clarify ..we're not .. haha ..
SOmehow someone had really let me down, i told myself that will be the last time .. be it true or be it i don't understand .. suan le ba .. a selfish person will never spare a thoughts for others ... i guess i did my part .. i hate promises ..i hate even more lies .. if you can't do it, don't say it ... but still you be a part of me that bring me to today ... i m not god nor i m so wei da .. all i want is someone stable, someone who knew what she want and to make a rs work out to walk a longer path .. understand what it means to be happy, had a balance in life and etc ..
Well ..
Time for housework ..
Well just another day .. yesterday at work, well my colleagues bought a small cake for me, sweet enough, thanks for the thoughts ...
Thanks to those for your wishes too ...
Okie ..was reading my Gay blog .. okie .. well thanks bro ..
THis is what he write on his blog .. lol
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Happy B-Day Gay
Happy B-day Gay, may all your wish come true. Haha. Who the gay buddy that i been mentioning?? He's a close buddy of mine, James. We not really gay. We wish... haha but we dun like sword fighting. Thanks for accompany me for the past few mths, really appreciated that. Haha, u been asking me to write about you.... Guess i should, since you not been making me emo enough to blog.. haha
Where should i start???... hmmmmmmmmm....
I know tis gay buddy of mine from Shattered Galaxy(a online game)... At the time, both of us are leader of 2 diff regiment, our path crossed when both of us are busy wif work and we decide to merged the 2 regiments and throw the shit work to each other.. haha.
James, a cheerful and entertaining gay who know how to entertain and joke abt anything in the world even abt him been gay... haha. A night out wif him wont b boring. He really a caring person, at times i wish i'm gay and fall in love wif him.. haha. For friends and his god-sisters, he can really go the extra miles to protect and give his very best. But i guess he had gone through alot and long for a good relation and a family of his own. But at times, he dun really know how to let go and move on wif his life and wish that things could change for the best.
Gay, learn to let go and move on wif our life. I believe 1 day, we will find the love we want and have a family we call our own.... May all your wish come true and love me deep deep... haha
p/s. abit high and rushing for mj.. will updated it further when i more sober.. haha...
p/p/s. I Love You.... Happy B-day and May All Your Dream Come True.... Haha
Damm gay but i must clarify ..we're not .. haha ..
SOmehow someone had really let me down, i told myself that will be the last time .. be it true or be it i don't understand .. suan le ba .. a selfish person will never spare a thoughts for others ... i guess i did my part .. i hate promises ..i hate even more lies .. if you can't do it, don't say it ... but still you be a part of me that bring me to today ... i m not god nor i m so wei da .. all i want is someone stable, someone who knew what she want and to make a rs work out to walk a longer path .. understand what it means to be happy, had a balance in life and etc ..
Well ..
Time for housework ..
Friday, August 22, 2008
TGIF
Hmm well
M trying to act bz at work, so i m here ... ^_^
当狗爱上猫 <---- interesting, does it ever happen ?
To go against the impossible and make it possible, to cherish the time spent together rather then to just let it go, and to suffer alone, leaving your love one behind, when your love one just want to spent the rest of the time meaningfully, having a beautiful memories.....
well recently i being losing all motivation, just feel like sleeping everyday like nobody cares ...
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!
The above picture like nice, took it when i was omw back to jetty ..
Looking at the sea, really make oneself feel clam.
Wondering and wondering ....
M trying to act bz at work, so i m here ... ^_^
当狗爱上猫 <---- interesting, does it ever happen ?
To go against the impossible and make it possible, to cherish the time spent together rather then to just let it go, and to suffer alone, leaving your love one behind, when your love one just want to spent the rest of the time meaningfully, having a beautiful memories.....
well recently i being losing all motivation, just feel like sleeping everyday like nobody cares ...
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!The above picture like nice, took it when i was omw back to jetty ..
Looking at the sea, really make oneself feel clam.
Wondering and wondering ....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Aweful day today ...
Somehow dun really feel good today .. maybe its really getting near ..
or well along come with some disappointment that make my mood bad .....
Past few day, been busy running around between office and vessel ..
But i been enjoying going on board, enjoy the sea and scenery out there.
sigh .. too many disappointment lately .. Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation... Zzzz
having a headache now, not even the mood to write .. other time then ..
or well along come with some disappointment that make my mood bad .....
Past few day, been busy running around between office and vessel ..
But i been enjoying going on board, enjoy the sea and scenery out there.
sigh .. too many disappointment lately .. Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy -- the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation... Zzzz
having a headache now, not even the mood to write .. other time then ..
Friday, August 15, 2008
Boring Weekend
Okie what i did last week ..
Work and more work ....
Last Thursday, something new to add on to my job experience, i went on board our company vessel call Bro Venture ..interesting ..took a small boat from west coast jetty, then half an hour boat ride to the main ship ...Nice sea breeze, been awhile .. let me wonder some thoughts ...
Well on board the vessel is indeed interesting, went to the main deck where the captain handle the ship ..well i was there to check on the system anyway .. looking forward to board another vessel soon :)
Nothing interesting recently, just focusing on work then home .. well i realize the nearer it get to my birthday, the more unhappy i feel. At times i wish to have people there to celebrate for me or even someone i love to be there .. but after so many years .. the feeling just get numb.
I guess, We all want, above all, to be heard - but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood - heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant.
But still being the positive me, will still continue to move on, that is life.
I m missing something .. after so long .. "Have i told u lately that i want to hear you ?"
I being trying to move on but all is just lust to me or like i say before just being lead on .. or well again disappointment when i put in effort.
Once awhile i still sms her, but all i get is disappointment or the least not even being as a friend to be, but i just wish her to know she still in me, or the least i wish to know how had she been doing.
Some people hold truth to the myth that there is only ONE love for you out there. This could not be farther from the truth. Humans have the ability to deeply love any person they choose to. True we may have a stronger, intimate connection with some, but it doesn't mean it can only happen once. For whatever reason, this relationship isn't the right one for me? well i duno. If it were, i guess i still be in it.
"When you're feeling down, remember that. Know that your special someone is out there, and when you're ready you WILL find them. But, you have to start looking ahead of you to find him/she. He/she isn't going to be trailing in your shadows."<--- a consolation to be :)
Well m spenting my weekend to watch this i guess 溏心风暴之家好月园 ...
Can't believe it i been watching HK drama recently again ... and again how i wish life is like a drama at times :)
Work and more work ....
Last Thursday, something new to add on to my job experience, i went on board our company vessel call Bro Venture ..interesting ..took a small boat from west coast jetty, then half an hour boat ride to the main ship ...Nice sea breeze, been awhile .. let me wonder some thoughts ...
Well on board the vessel is indeed interesting, went to the main deck where the captain handle the ship ..well i was there to check on the system anyway .. looking forward to board another vessel soon :)
Nothing interesting recently, just focusing on work then home .. well i realize the nearer it get to my birthday, the more unhappy i feel. At times i wish to have people there to celebrate for me or even someone i love to be there .. but after so many years .. the feeling just get numb.
I guess, We all want, above all, to be heard - but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood - heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant.
But still being the positive me, will still continue to move on, that is life.
I m missing something .. after so long .. "Have i told u lately that i want to hear you ?"
I being trying to move on but all is just lust to me or like i say before just being lead on .. or well again disappointment when i put in effort.
Once awhile i still sms her, but all i get is disappointment or the least not even being as a friend to be, but i just wish her to know she still in me, or the least i wish to know how had she been doing.
Some people hold truth to the myth that there is only ONE love for you out there. This could not be farther from the truth. Humans have the ability to deeply love any person they choose to. True we may have a stronger, intimate connection with some, but it doesn't mean it can only happen once. For whatever reason, this relationship isn't the right one for me? well i duno. If it were, i guess i still be in it.
"When you're feeling down, remember that. Know that your special someone is out there, and when you're ready you WILL find them. But, you have to start looking ahead of you to find him/she. He/she isn't going to be trailing in your shadows."<--- a consolation to be :)
Well m spenting my weekend to watch this i guess 溏心风暴之家好月园 ...
Can't believe it i been watching HK drama recently again ... and again how i wish life is like a drama at times :)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Horoscope ..beliefs ?
I always heard people mentioning about horoscope and to say something like ya ..all horoscope of this sign are like this or like that ... Whether you are superstitious or skeptical, horoscopes are as popular as they have ever been.
Do i believe ? Not at all! That's all just for entertainment. There's absolutely no truth or research done or anything to place any faith in horoscope
How is that advice different for your sign than any other? Wouldn't that advice be legitimate regardless of what day of the year you were born?
That's how horoscopes work. They just make vague statements and give vague advice that could work for anyone.
Well, there are millions of people sharing your same Astrological Sign. You read your horoscope and by coincidence it may apply to something that may happen tonight. It won't make any sense to most of those with your same sign. Maybe tomorrow one of those who didn't find anything significant on the horoscope that you think applies to you may find something, by chance, that will apply to them somehow. It is just pure chance and coincidence.
But still its a good guide or well a good motivation to be .. but i guess we just can't judge a person by horoscope or to rely on that.
Was at helipad yesterday again, ye with my gay buddy AGAIN. lol then all this topic come into mind and well debating faint faint .. but was a nice windy night to chill.
THen after that, we head to MOS since its free so take a walk lo, met some friends there, do some sight seeing and well then someone call so i make a move.
Happy and sad after that, or rather disappointed.
Nevertheless still keep things positive ...
Do i believe ? Not at all! That's all just for entertainment. There's absolutely no truth or research done or anything to place any faith in horoscope
How is that advice different for your sign than any other? Wouldn't that advice be legitimate regardless of what day of the year you were born?
That's how horoscopes work. They just make vague statements and give vague advice that could work for anyone.
Well, there are millions of people sharing your same Astrological Sign. You read your horoscope and by coincidence it may apply to something that may happen tonight. It won't make any sense to most of those with your same sign. Maybe tomorrow one of those who didn't find anything significant on the horoscope that you think applies to you may find something, by chance, that will apply to them somehow. It is just pure chance and coincidence.
But still its a good guide or well a good motivation to be .. but i guess we just can't judge a person by horoscope or to rely on that.
Was at helipad yesterday again, ye with my gay buddy AGAIN. lol then all this topic come into mind and well debating faint faint .. but was a nice windy night to chill.
THen after that, we head to MOS since its free so take a walk lo, met some friends there, do some sight seeing and well then someone call so i make a move.
Happy and sad after that, or rather disappointed.
Nevertheless still keep things positive ...
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Young and dangerous haha ...
Well free again today ..not really that free but still free ...lol
All the sudden i was browsing and came across the Ah beng thingy.
And it remind me when people calling me that ... lol .. i must have a face of that hee.
'Last time, I always had some swear words in all my sentences', now seldom, depends with who and who? well my era, nearly joined a secret society but still taking part in fights during that time, lol.
Well what is my attire during my sec sch times, bright-coloured jeans, white T-shirt, Cartier, JPG wallet and a long sharp-ended comb to keep the hair style in place ? lol ..ask me to do that now, i faint.
The worst i ever encounter is being surrounded and chase by a bunch of Ah beng at bugis after finish eating supper. Our group already have 10 over peeps and imagine being surrounded when step out of the food court.
Ah beng A say - what u looking at ...
Friend A say - well what do you want now ..
Ah beng B say - you were looking at our girls ..
Before my friend can say anything, my friend already kana beaten from behind by a bottle, well the bottle never break .. do u know breaking a bottle was never easy like what you see in shows ... well try it and u know.
During that time .. kao lo ..my friend all run, leaving me there blur blur, lucky i alert, i run too haha ...
Those were one of the accident i encounter .... keke ..
Well i need to chill .. drinking time ...
All the sudden i was browsing and came across the Ah beng thingy.
And it remind me when people calling me that ... lol .. i must have a face of that hee.
'Last time, I always had some swear words in all my sentences', now seldom, depends with who and who? well my era, nearly joined a secret society but still taking part in fights during that time, lol.
Well what is my attire during my sec sch times, bright-coloured jeans, white T-shirt, Cartier, JPG wallet and a long sharp-ended comb to keep the hair style in place ? lol ..ask me to do that now, i faint.
The worst i ever encounter is being surrounded and chase by a bunch of Ah beng at bugis after finish eating supper. Our group already have 10 over peeps and imagine being surrounded when step out of the food court.
Ah beng A say - what u looking at ...
Friend A say - well what do you want now ..
Ah beng B say - you were looking at our girls ..
Before my friend can say anything, my friend already kana beaten from behind by a bottle, well the bottle never break .. do u know breaking a bottle was never easy like what you see in shows ... well try it and u know.
During that time .. kao lo ..my friend all run, leaving me there blur blur, lucky i alert, i run too haha ...
Those were one of the accident i encounter .... keke ..
Well i need to chill .. drinking time ...
Monday, August 4, 2008
I love my Job ?
"I love my job, I love my job"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to convince myself to get out of bed."
There are days when I have to use an excessive amount of will power to get out of bed. Actually what really happens in my brain turns on a mind movie. I'm lying in bed dreaming and find that I'm an excellent swimmer, but a lousy shaver. I seem to have been thinking should i shave later.
It's at that point when my bill dressed as a great white shark come zooming towards me, then onMy i have to wake up. Why is it that everything always seems to make sense in a dream?
I really do like my job. I have a lot or responsibility and flexibility to do my job the way I see fit.
I been so busy for the past few months with deadline and heavy responsibility, stress out and now for this 2 weeks, m super free ... walking around in the office, smoking, surfing net and here writing blog ... dupz faint, wondering what to do next.
Thinking should i just head home, or date someone or stay and work OT.
I realize am becoming so wishy washy to certain things, pounding too much, care about too much , and at the end of the day, nothing is being done, just dragging myself back home.
Something interesting ...
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!
For the past few weeks, there are moments when I woke up in the middle of the nite feeling empty and the feeling just get worsen each time it comes. There are things which require my immediate attention, but I procrastinating. There are times when I wanted to blog, but no words come out right. I m tired of waiting for things to come; it will not come; and i dun wish it to happen too. Is it my life too mundane, or is the malevolent persistent flu making me exhausted, languid and lonely? I really hate this feeling, nevertheless still part of human art to complain lol.
Comic strip from parka is really amusing me, never fail to make me feel stupid hee
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!
faint ... wal piang still so long to knock off Zzzz
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to convince myself to get out of bed."
There are days when I have to use an excessive amount of will power to get out of bed. Actually what really happens in my brain turns on a mind movie. I'm lying in bed dreaming and find that I'm an excellent swimmer, but a lousy shaver. I seem to have been thinking should i shave later.
It's at that point when my bill dressed as a great white shark come zooming towards me, then onMy i have to wake up. Why is it that everything always seems to make sense in a dream?
I really do like my job. I have a lot or responsibility and flexibility to do my job the way I see fit.
I been so busy for the past few months with deadline and heavy responsibility, stress out and now for this 2 weeks, m super free ... walking around in the office, smoking, surfing net and here writing blog ... dupz faint, wondering what to do next.
Thinking should i just head home, or date someone or stay and work OT.
I realize am becoming so wishy washy to certain things, pounding too much, care about too much , and at the end of the day, nothing is being done, just dragging myself back home.
Something interesting ...
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!For the past few weeks, there are moments when I woke up in the middle of the nite feeling empty and the feeling just get worsen each time it comes. There are things which require my immediate attention, but I procrastinating. There are times when I wanted to blog, but no words come out right. I m tired of waiting for things to come; it will not come; and i dun wish it to happen too. Is it my life too mundane, or is the malevolent persistent flu making me exhausted, languid and lonely? I really hate this feeling, nevertheless still part of human art to complain lol.
Comic strip from parka is really amusing me, never fail to make me feel stupid hee
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!faint ... wal piang still so long to knock off Zzzz
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Make the laughter outweigh the tears ?
I been wondering wth i being doing lol ..
Definition of my life is going haywire ...
I need to relax and lighten up. Should not take myself too seriously and try not to over analyze things.
We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that's happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won, that is what i always say but still time is going so slow and so many error along the way, so many troubleshooting and debugging to do, sigh hectic.
Well, Take the good with the bad. No one is happy all the time. Everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life.
Sunday bright shinny, wake up, kind of fresh, at least better then the feeling i get before i slept.
looking at the clock, seeing the time and wondering what to do.
Trying to make myself feel better and i guess be gracious and be thankful.
At times i wonder what i am trying to get, is it a short term satisfaction ?
Such as alcohol, sex. , and the effects die out very soon, leaving me with an empty feeling that is sometimes worse than before.. but well people still get happy over it somehow.
Today i read back my the other 2 blog .. i realize till now ..4 lady in my life which i really put in allot of effort for them ... which make me to what i am today.
Firstly Karen - someone who i owe allot ..for 2 years i being with her .... who has gone thru lots of up and down with me, but i guess till now i really feel she is a nice gal and i being selfish during my younger days, and also cause of you, i quit lots of things today which i never being doing and to realize what and how a relationship should be.
Secondly Jean - although just 3 months but she bring out the childishness in me ... someone whom i fall in love with after so long, but well still short and sweet.
Thirdly Michelle - my pillar, my everything that i be proud of, someone which till now inside my heart still hurt for the things i done and i regret.
Fourthly Sherlyn - someone who always have a place in my heart ... but well you throw my effort away, till today, i still hold on to your words for what u say to me.
The rest is either too short term or well being lead on although i wish to put my effort in them but always end up the wrong path or well never make me feel like loving or being love. But there is one who i let her down. or i guess m really too picky somehow.
I keep moving on and moving on but all i get is disappointment.
Lost touch of allot of things, the more i choose not to think the more i feel depress or i can't control my emotion to be .. era change, perspective point of view changes too .. and so how many people do know what they want ..
And well not forgetting my Gay buddy which being with me for this few months, which m really glad .. someone whom i know for many years .. someone also still struggling with life somehow, but i guess not that much ..but well maybe he need to stop being stubborn and listen to others in a way .. hmm wrong i guess, should be well move on to find what you want and don't wait for durian to drop .. but at times i feel he is doing the right way, least he don't get disappointed like what i feel .. but he is hiding in a cornor somewhere, waiting to be spotted by a guy then .. but still thanks ..
What i want is something which i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart ....
Thinking back, if i ever able to turn back the time, will i still choose to go through what i go through, to love the girl i love, to give all my love to everyone and make the same mistakes i make? I might. As that wat make me who i am today.
At times, we regret about the past we been through and hope that we can turn back the time and undo the mistake. But we had forgotten that if we had not committed the mistakes, we will never able to learn from it and be a better person.
Many times in a relationship, we are always searching for the perfect person and even when in a relationship, we will compared and complaint about our bf/gf and wish that he/she can be the one we want. But we had forgotten the reasons and things that make us fall in love wif him/her. Not matter how much the person being giving to us or good to us, we will still think that it's not enough and asking for more. Wishing that he can be someone else. Everyone got their good and bad sides, at times we juz keep looking at the bad sides and start complaining and forgot about his good sides that we once love and treasure.
In a relationship, no one will be able to advice you and tell you what to do. As long as ur heart feel that it's right then go for it. End of the day, who are we to judge and comment the relationship. Juz treasure the moments and love wif all your heart and nvr regrets.
Happiness is a very subjective factor in one's life. Being happy doesn't depend on achieving what u want, but rather making the best out of what is given. Life isn't fair, it never was. The only thing that can make u completely happy is contentment.. Be content on what u have, but be sure to aim high & never stop believing that u can do better everytime.
Definition of my life is going haywire ...
I need to relax and lighten up. Should not take myself too seriously and try not to over analyze things.
We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that's happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won, that is what i always say but still time is going so slow and so many error along the way, so many troubleshooting and debugging to do, sigh hectic.
Well, Take the good with the bad. No one is happy all the time. Everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life.
Sunday bright shinny, wake up, kind of fresh, at least better then the feeling i get before i slept.
looking at the clock, seeing the time and wondering what to do.
Trying to make myself feel better and i guess be gracious and be thankful.
At times i wonder what i am trying to get, is it a short term satisfaction ?
Such as alcohol, sex. , and the effects die out very soon, leaving me with an empty feeling that is sometimes worse than before.. but well people still get happy over it somehow.
Today i read back my the other 2 blog .. i realize till now ..4 lady in my life which i really put in allot of effort for them ... which make me to what i am today.
Firstly Karen - someone who i owe allot ..for 2 years i being with her .... who has gone thru lots of up and down with me, but i guess till now i really feel she is a nice gal and i being selfish during my younger days, and also cause of you, i quit lots of things today which i never being doing and to realize what and how a relationship should be.
Secondly Jean - although just 3 months but she bring out the childishness in me ... someone whom i fall in love with after so long, but well still short and sweet.
Thirdly Michelle - my pillar, my everything that i be proud of, someone which till now inside my heart still hurt for the things i done and i regret.
Fourthly Sherlyn - someone who always have a place in my heart ... but well you throw my effort away, till today, i still hold on to your words for what u say to me.
The rest is either too short term or well being lead on although i wish to put my effort in them but always end up the wrong path or well never make me feel like loving or being love. But there is one who i let her down. or i guess m really too picky somehow.
I keep moving on and moving on but all i get is disappointment.
Lost touch of allot of things, the more i choose not to think the more i feel depress or i can't control my emotion to be .. era change, perspective point of view changes too .. and so how many people do know what they want ..
And well not forgetting my Gay buddy which being with me for this few months, which m really glad .. someone whom i know for many years .. someone also still struggling with life somehow, but i guess not that much ..but well maybe he need to stop being stubborn and listen to others in a way .. hmm wrong i guess, should be well move on to find what you want and don't wait for durian to drop .. but at times i feel he is doing the right way, least he don't get disappointed like what i feel .. but he is hiding in a cornor somewhere, waiting to be spotted by a guy then .. but still thanks ..
What i want is something which i laugh and smile from the bottom of my heart ....
Thinking back, if i ever able to turn back the time, will i still choose to go through what i go through, to love the girl i love, to give all my love to everyone and make the same mistakes i make? I might. As that wat make me who i am today.
At times, we regret about the past we been through and hope that we can turn back the time and undo the mistake. But we had forgotten that if we had not committed the mistakes, we will never able to learn from it and be a better person.
Many times in a relationship, we are always searching for the perfect person and even when in a relationship, we will compared and complaint about our bf/gf and wish that he/she can be the one we want. But we had forgotten the reasons and things that make us fall in love wif him/her. Not matter how much the person being giving to us or good to us, we will still think that it's not enough and asking for more. Wishing that he can be someone else. Everyone got their good and bad sides, at times we juz keep looking at the bad sides and start complaining and forgot about his good sides that we once love and treasure.
In a relationship, no one will be able to advice you and tell you what to do. As long as ur heart feel that it's right then go for it. End of the day, who are we to judge and comment the relationship. Juz treasure the moments and love wif all your heart and nvr regrets.
Happiness is a very subjective factor in one's life. Being happy doesn't depend on achieving what u want, but rather making the best out of what is given. Life isn't fair, it never was. The only thing that can make u completely happy is contentment.. Be content on what u have, but be sure to aim high & never stop believing that u can do better everytime.
Too much lust over love for the past few months ...?
Being awhile i wrote something, whenever i'm really down, i would write, and somehow i was disappointed with my life recently ...
What have i been doing lately ? - well drinking liquor like no tml, every week drink, every week chill ... and i guess karma do happen ..am i really doing wrong or somehow its not the time yet.
I been enjoying my work, that is where i can find sense of fulfillment.
But other then that, somehow what i have been looking is always not there or either i am too picky.
People i see, people i met, they seemed to me to be painfully naive and their innocence, particularly in the area of sexual morality,evoked my patronising sympathy somehow.
To have sex with someone is a profoundly meaningful thing and if misused the effects can be devastating. Making love for everyday needs ? Sex for communication ? :)
The difference between love and lust. Love honours, values and seeks the best for the beloved. It focuses on the other person. It's selfless, sacrificial and inseparable from commitment. Lust, on the other hand, seeks to use things or people to meet its needs and gratify its desires. It focuses inward on itself, is inherently selfish, and rejects commitment.
But somehow i guess i being native, to believe or easy to be lead on somehow, yes i m gracious on the surface but deep inside me, i feel disappointed.
Lust is powerful and seductive, but it's inherently selfish and opposed to love. As we foster and feed lust in our lives we're dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when orgasm becomes boring and unsatisfying, left alone to face the pain of guilt and loneliness? and lust often replaces love.
Wait till the lust dies down and see what's left -- then we will blame the sky and earth .. but nevertheless who're we anyway, i guess at least with integrity and not to hurt the other party.
Well lesser expectation will come with lesser disappointment.
At times people just not being truthful somehow, not about what they did but about what they say and we choose to be native to believe it. And when you saw it with your eye, well thats bitches and bullshit.
I always see human beings complaining, saying how emo they feel, how bastard someone can be and bla bla bla ... but well do they really cherish for what they have somehow ...
I guess nothing is explainable, things do happen for a reason but i really hate being cheated or bluff .. the least i don't do that to people and i hope i don't deserve that either. And yes do i really look so native on the surface ? i guess i just continue to believe the time is not ripe yet ...
What have i been doing lately ? - well drinking liquor like no tml, every week drink, every week chill ... and i guess karma do happen ..am i really doing wrong or somehow its not the time yet.
I been enjoying my work, that is where i can find sense of fulfillment.
But other then that, somehow what i have been looking is always not there or either i am too picky.
People i see, people i met, they seemed to me to be painfully naive and their innocence, particularly in the area of sexual morality,evoked my patronising sympathy somehow.
To have sex with someone is a profoundly meaningful thing and if misused the effects can be devastating. Making love for everyday needs ? Sex for communication ? :)
The difference between love and lust. Love honours, values and seeks the best for the beloved. It focuses on the other person. It's selfless, sacrificial and inseparable from commitment. Lust, on the other hand, seeks to use things or people to meet its needs and gratify its desires. It focuses inward on itself, is inherently selfish, and rejects commitment.
But somehow i guess i being native, to believe or easy to be lead on somehow, yes i m gracious on the surface but deep inside me, i feel disappointed.
Lust is powerful and seductive, but it's inherently selfish and opposed to love. As we foster and feed lust in our lives we're dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when orgasm becomes boring and unsatisfying, left alone to face the pain of guilt and loneliness? and lust often replaces love.
Wait till the lust dies down and see what's left -- then we will blame the sky and earth .. but nevertheless who're we anyway, i guess at least with integrity and not to hurt the other party.
Well lesser expectation will come with lesser disappointment.
At times people just not being truthful somehow, not about what they did but about what they say and we choose to be native to believe it. And when you saw it with your eye, well thats bitches and bullshit.
I always see human beings complaining, saying how emo they feel, how bastard someone can be and bla bla bla ... but well do they really cherish for what they have somehow ...
I guess nothing is explainable, things do happen for a reason but i really hate being cheated or bluff .. the least i don't do that to people and i hope i don't deserve that either. And yes do i really look so native on the surface ? i guess i just continue to believe the time is not ripe yet ...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
So much for the past and here I m ...
Looking back, so much of complain, regrets and disappointment, but well it all happen for a reason.
I have been putting too much effort into love and hopping, still i guess i m hopping.
Life is just full of experiences but you would be amazed how different your life has been compared to others and what is it till now at this stage after so many years.
People come people go, and how many really do stay ?
And so much for lust and desire, whereby how many people do understand or to do know how to handle it together with the everyday life and needs.
Growing up to me now, make one older, wonder more, demand more. As in life factor, looking deeply into it instead of just looking at the surface of it.
Experience and learning seems to happen in fits, stops, and starts. Sometimes it seems one is going nowhere or even backwards. Other times there is steady, plodding progress. And yet other times seem to be peak learning moments, when everything comes together.
Somehow my heart every now and then i been missing someone, recalling the time we spent together, well long story, tired, sure put it down in words another time ..Hmm well to be update again ..
I have been putting too much effort into love and hopping, still i guess i m hopping.
Life is just full of experiences but you would be amazed how different your life has been compared to others and what is it till now at this stage after so many years.
People come people go, and how many really do stay ?
And so much for lust and desire, whereby how many people do understand or to do know how to handle it together with the everyday life and needs.
Growing up to me now, make one older, wonder more, demand more. As in life factor, looking deeply into it instead of just looking at the surface of it.
Experience and learning seems to happen in fits, stops, and starts. Sometimes it seems one is going nowhere or even backwards. Other times there is steady, plodding progress. And yet other times seem to be peak learning moments, when everything comes together.
Somehow my heart every now and then i been missing someone, recalling the time we spent together, well long story, tired, sure put it down in words another time ..Hmm well to be update again ..
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